How to Build Your Level of Empathy

Empathy is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, including imagining what someone else might think or feel. Ironically, being empathetic with others requires us to be self-aware. In other words, we understand other people by understanding ourselves. Empathy depends on our ability to focus on the other person’s feelings. The more distracted we are with our thoughts or activities, the less likely we are to show empathy.

What Does Mindfulness Have to Do with Empathy?

The degree to which we are empathetic varies from person to person, as does our ability to be free of judgment and bias. Also, to understand another’s point of view or feelings, we need to be present, not locked in our heads with our own internal dialogue. The good news is that mindfulness practices can help us be more present and accept people as they are, rather than judging them through our personal veil of biases and beliefs. A key point to remember is that you do not have to agree with another person to understand their feelings or point of view. Most people want to be seen and heard. Being mindfully present with people can create powerful shifts in your relationships.

Building Your Empathy Level

Here are a few simple and effective ways to build your empathy level. No matter where we are today, there is an opportunity to improve.

• Invite curiosity into your conversations with others. Initiate a conversation with someone who may not share your interests and viewpoints. Really listen to what they are saying. Listen to the beliefs underneath their words. Try to understand the things that matter to them. Use probing, thought-provoking questions to draw out the other person’s point of view.
• Challenge prejudices and bias. Next time you find yourself automatically assuming something about someone, pause and begin to look for evidence to dispute some of your biases. Why are you making this assumption? Was there a prior experience that your assumption is based on? Does it really fit in this case? Be open to the possibility that you don’t know, then spend time with this person or others who might share some of the same characteristics. See what you discover.
• Walk in another person’s shoes. Critiquing someone’s work or decisions can be easy, especially when you haven’t attempted it yourself. Without genuinely experiencing what that person has, you can’t understand what is going on for them. Try performing the task yourself before you pass judgment on something someone else did at home or work. You might find out some surprising things! At the very least, you will earn the respect of the person who usually performs the task.
• Empathize with adversaries. To see your adversaries as fellow human beings, you need to focus on what we have in common. As you focus on what you have in common, you will see that the differences seem far less important. This is the starting point for authentic communication.

As you read through this list, one probably stood out to you. Commit to give it a try. Perfection is not necessary!