Forgiveness

In some ways, the pandemic seems a lifetime ago, but our experiences and lessons from that time live on. Remember how our home and family were the center of our lives? We worked, educated our children and maybe ourselves, and found different forms of entertainment. Some say this closeness and appreciation for having more time together brought out the best in us. However, we can also recall times when we lost our patience or became irritated with someone close to us. We may even have been hurt by the words or actions of another.

Of course, with all this closeness and the stress of our environment, it was understandable that there were disagreements and hurt feelings. However, now that we are on the other side of the pandemic, these types of situations still happen. The cause of these may seem petty and inconsequential in the big scheme. But these disagreements may have created extreme tension between you and another person. Whether you were the offender, or the person wounded, holding in these feelings can significantly impact your emotional and physical well-being. While it may be challenging to forgive someone who hurt you, forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Why? Holding on to a grudge will only make you feel worse, and not just emotionally. Resentment can cause your blood pressure to spike and trigger the release of stress chemicals that can make you physically sick. And holding on to resentment doesn’t really do any good anyway. As the saying goes: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The paradox is that forgiveness is the only thing that provides relief when you have been wronged.

The major obstacle to forgiving another is misunderstanding what forgiveness really is. It does not mean forgetting the offense that occurred or condoning or excusing it. And it doesn’t require that the offending person admit what they did was wrong or even ask for forgiveness or change their ways. Forgiveness is making a conscious choice to release yourself from the burden, pain, and stress of holding on to resentment.

Take a moment to consider if there is someone you need to forgive. It might have been something that happened over the holidays that you haven’t let go of or something else. Today might be the day you let go of these feelings that are holding you back from the joy of having positive relationships with everyone in your life. The practice below is one way you can begin this journey.

Practice: Forgiving Others

PURPOSE/DESCRIPTION

• This practice is designed to help you release the burden from another person who has hurt you.

ESTIMATED TIME

• 3-5 minutes

HOW

• Think of someone who has caused you pain and who you are holding resentment against. It can be something relatively minor or seemingly unimportant.

• Next, visualize the time this person hurt you and feel the pain you still carry.

• Now, observe what emotion is present. Is it anger, resentment, or sadness? Use your body as a barometer and notice what you feel. Are you tense anywhere, or do you feel heavy?

• Next, bring awareness to your thoughts: are they hateful, spiteful, or something else?

• Really feel this burden associated with the hurt that lives inside you, and ask yourself:

  • Who is suffering?

  • Have I carried this burden long enough?

  • Am I willing to forgive? If the answer is no, that’s OK. Some wounds need more time than others to heal.

• If you are ready to let it go now, silently repeat:

  • Breathing in: “I acknowledge the pain.”

  • Breathing out: “I am forgiving and releasing this burden from my heart and mind.”

• Continue this process for as long as it feels supportive to you.

REFLECT/CONSIDER

• Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process. It will take time to heal, depending on how deeply you were hurt.

• You may need to revisit this practice multiple times to feel the pain lessen.