Power of Why

Do you find that sometimes people don’t seem to respond to your requests – requests as simple as asking your children to pick up their toys or even as complicated as getting people at work to follow your directions? If so, you may be more focused on the what, when, and where, with little focus on the WHY. The problem with many requests is that the receiver of your request cannot focus on the details until they understand WHY you want or need them to do something. This is especially true with tasks we would rather not do. That’s because we aren’t likely to be very motivated to fulfill a request if we don’t understand its reasoning. And the more disruptive or harder the task, the more we need to know WHY. We often overlook addressing WHY, especially in a hurry, because we assume that explaining what and how is the fastest way to influence our audience.

Here is a simple exercise we can do before we make requests of others.

• Step 1: Consider the following questions to guide you in constructing your message. Be patient. The answers may be buried deep, and you may have to coax them out a bit.
  • What are the consequences of doing this or not doing this?
  • What are the benefits of getting this done?
  • Keep asking yourself, “So what?” until you can’t answer it any longer. That will mostly be the root of the “why.”
• Step 2: Once you know why you are making this request, formulate how you will communicate this to the other person. To help you formulate your request, consider this, “I need you to_________because________.”  This is the “why” of the action or task.
• Step 3: You might also share insights about alternatives you have considered. If you need to motivate the other person(s) to do a task, be prepared to share different ideas you considered before landing on this option. This helps provide additional insights regarding the “why” of the request.

Taking extra care to understand and communicate WHY is an act of empathy for the other person. When others see that you consider their perspective and need to understand, they will be much more motivated to deliver on your request.